There have been a lot of times in my life where I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I half-ass eating right. I half-ass working out - here's looking at you four year beginner's yoga veterans. I even half-ass it at work. Yep, I am a professional bare-minimum kind of person. Why?
Because I whole-ass it at living life. I'm not talking about the day-to-day grind. That's just frivolous, yet necessary BS. No, I'm talking about taking each second and making the most out of it. My main goal isn't the task at hand, but embracing the joy and contentedness found in each action, thought, and movement.
I know what you're probably thinking: "What the fuck Jonah". Yeah, I'm thinking it too. I first thought the idea was totally crazy when I first came across the whole "being in the present thing" when I first started in AA. All I could think about was the road ahead and the road behind. I was beyond ashamed of where my choices had brought me. I thought the only way that I could move forward was to run away from my past as fast and a far as I could. Running like that is a stupid idea. It doesn't work. Running towards an image of a "perfected self" doesn't work either because that person doesn't exist.
I found that a bulk of my problems originated from not accepting myself - my strengths, my flaws, my everything. I could not move forward if I did not accept my past. But more importantly, I could not create the person I wanted to be if I didn't focus on being mindfully present in each moment of the day.
It took a lot of work at first. I'm naturally a worry wort. Relaxation doesn't come easily to me. Hell, over five years later I still work on it. I have come to the conclusion that I am meant to always be a work in progress, a masterpiece in the making. I am not done growing and learning until my final breath leaves my body.
So if I look like I'm half-assing everything on the outside, know that it's because I'm whole-assing my soul.
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